IT'S ALL ABOUT SEX - DAY AND NIGHT
We all heard amazing stories about this stunning city. Everybody must visit! I came for 10 days (including 2 weekends for parties, duh!), I truly enjoyed the beauty of the city, but somehow did not manage to connect with the locals - “Cariocas” as they call themselves. During my travels I met amazing Rio boys, but none of them lived there anymore - the best Cariocas (you know, the ones that have standards and brains) have left it already!
The gay fun starts here in the daytime. You simply must get your first caipirinhas early and spend a day on the gay beach in Ipanema. Trust me there’s no place like it. The masculine beauty of Rio is very unique - they call them ‘barbies’. Generally we all like some muscle, but Cariocas take it to the extreme - steroid muscles, tan to the level you’re not sure if he is latino or black, oh - and the funny shaped speedos. It seems that all they do is gym, beach and f#ck (which is their revenue source, I believe).
Spending a few hours there, observing how old and hungry pathetic Europeans and Americans are f#cking them with their eyes made me sick. Also, it’s impossible to swim there due to the huge waves. Basically all you do is sit on that chair and observe the flexing barbies. My friend and I got our caipirinha refills (you must drink them 24/7 here), went further from the gay beach, found less packed area which was less gay but much nicer. Barbies are totally not my thing, sorry (not sorry)!
At night for clubbing, pretty close to the beach there’s the second best (according to online reviews) club LE BOY. It needs a makeover, but come late and you will have fun. The boys are flirty which is great. Just keep in mind - the body language perception is rather different here. If you dance with the boy and don’t f#ck with him later makes you very weird. In case you don’t see someone you don’t want to f#ck tonight, stay and dance with your friends.
Every single guy told me I have to visit THE WEEK. Firstly it’s in the dangerous part of the city - you must take the taxi right to the entrance of the club and get into the taxi at the door when leaving (do not walk even a block). The club is big, very modern and really beautiful: two rooms and outside area with the pool.
The main room is for techno / house music. I do like this kind of music… but I've never seen a worse crowd in my life! Shirtless, sweaty, f#cked up (on drugs) men. The atmosphere is absolutely terrible - super unfriendly and even aggressive. There’s no chance I would stay there for long. The smaller room played pop music and was occupied by twinks. We got many rounds of caipirinhas and had a pretty good time there.
Then we came to the club for the second time (hoping it was just a bad weekend) we did not even enter the main room, stayed in the pop room and near the pool - where all people do is talk and smoke weed. If you go to THE WEEK - you have to get a ton of drugs (which I don’t recommend) or lower your expectations.
The ratings!:
THE WEEK 🍭🍭🍭
hotness of the crowd ---------🍭🍭🍭
friendliness of the people ----🍭🍭
music quality ------------------🍭🍭🍭
drinks --------------------------🍭🍭🍭
lights and sound --------------🍭🍭🍭🍭
coolness of the venue --------🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭
LE BOY 🍭🍭🍭 (CLOSED)
hotness of the crowd ---------🍭🍭🍭🍭
friendliness of the people ----🍭🍭🍭🍭
music quality ------------------🍭🍭
drinks --------------------------🍭🍭🍭🍭
lights and sound --------------🍭🍭
coolness of the venue --------🍭🍭